Aloha

If you are lucky enough to know her, then you know. If not, aloha to the wild web spun each day by Kirsten simply waking up and sharing.

What you read heretofore will bring you some combination of the following elements:

• Laughter
• Fear
• Shock
• Additional laughter
• Amazement
• A burning need to ask a follow-up question that pokes the rabbit hole in search of a bottom you hope you never find

The idea is simple: we will share the finest thoughts of Kirsten, our friend and keeper of thoughts I promise you've not considered. No doubt you have a few gems of your own from throughout the years, and this space will only be successful as a collaborative effort.

Got something you want to share? Drop it to me here: acandee@gmail.com -- I'm thinking we'll run on a combination of today's finest and yesterday's classics that should keep the gears turning quite well.

Before continuing, let's get Ground Rule No. 1 established quickly: we're here to laugh with, not at. Otherwise, this labor of love couldn't exist, not in good conscience. The head shakes and speech loss elicited by Kirsten's finest are birthed in innocence and wonderment; to devalue that with anything but a collegial spirit would be wrong.

As you've accepted our Terms of Service simply by reading this sentence (or having somehow otherwise shaped the mind of Kirsten over the past three decades,) let us not delay in getting to our maiden post: Maui's Best, 2008 vintage. We just returned from a much-needed and deeply enjoyed week on the beach, where I'm happy to say the only purpose served by my BlackBerry was to log the fodder for first entry. Enjoy, and mahalo for reading ...

We went to breakfast at a fun restaurant in an old gazebo near the beach, which is housed by the Napili Shores, but OWNED by the sparrows and resident pigeon. We witnessed one kamikaze sparrow dive from a window to steal a piece of scrambled egg from a woman's plate:

"That bird rocks my world. He's a badass. He knows what he wants and he goes after it."

At the same restaurant, we ordered white chocolate macadamia nut pancakes, served with a gigantic pie of whipped cream that (apparently) included white chocolate chips (or so we hope.) The excitement from Kirsten:

"There's even s*** in the cream!"

A beach conversation: middle school didn't treat either of our appearances well. Any children of ours would be granted a free pass to hide in the basement or study in Fiji from ages 10 through 14, without prejudice. Defiant, ornery and temporarily forgetting I've seen all the pictures, Kirsten refused to admit this:

"I was a ladies' man ... wait, what's the female equivalent of a ladies' man?"

I honestly don't remember the exact origin of this, other than to tell you Tuesday featured five hours of beach time and Mai Tais beginning at 3 p.m.:

"I hope it doesn't give you the runs."

The Mai Tais gave way to Spanish red wine. Dinner gave way to the Aloha Mixed Plate waiter's suggestion of cheesecake lumpia. Those who've had drinks with Kirsten know we enter an entirely different orbit when she gets tipsy, and I'm not sure she heard "lumpia" after "cheesecake":

"Can you help me with this cheesecake? It's fried and it's tough."

The final K haul included multiple Mai Tais and glasses of wine, and possibly a beer. Incredulous, our narrator posed a question:

"How did I get to be so drunk? I am a professional."

We returned to the condo, where we chose to sleep on the sofa bed in the living room instead of the normal bedroom spot because the living room faced the Pacific. We could open slats that safely allowed us to hear the waves at night. We all know our heroine ceases most functions almost immediately upon becoming truly tired, and she repeatedly issued to me this sleepy command:

"Turn on the ocean! Turn on the ocean!"

We recently joined our friends Laura and Joel in San Francisco for an awesome long weekend. On this trip, I took the group to see the sea lions at Pier 39. This fascinated Kirsten, who initially said she wanted to "spoon" with the sea lions because they looked "comforting." This week, the thought changed:

"I seriously wanted to see some sea lion sex. That just sounds hot and dirty."

Island rain danced in and out of our final two-plus days, so we explored some beautiful areas away from the beach. First on the list was the Iao Needle, a state park that includes a nice little walking trail along a stream in a valley. Many spiderwebs connect the foliage:

"The spiders here are very creative. Maybe they just have more to work with in an inspirational landscape."

I swear she meant this -- well, at least as much as a girl examining a bottle of Kroger SPF 30 sunscreen after downing a couple of tropical drinks can mean anything:

"Look at how much octocrylene we've put in our systems!"